tools for self-growth

Sep 27th, 2024

Looking back last couple months, I have reached a new phase in my growth where there is maturity and some stability in life. Nothing drastically has changed, but I sense my growth in emotion, intellect, and physical health (slow in physical, still un-athletic as ever but getting there 😛). Reflecting back on what has helped shape the recent growth, it is attributable to these two tools: self-reflection, and commitments.

I would consider myself a fairly lazy individual. Previously, I spent my time and energy on autopilot not reflecting on the environment that I am in. I lacked the “meta-cognition” to reflect on the external environment and the internal states. I started with the small things. I reflected to be in tune of my own emotions. I reflected to point out what takes up my energy. I reflected to understand why I think the way I do. I say “I reflected” as if it is this mysterious word, but in reality it’s surprisingly simple. Reflecting to me is to write what I am thinking and looking at it again at a later point with a new perspective. The insomnias that would keep me up at nights were rather simple to solve. It was to continue writing out the thoughts and at some point I would run out of words. There was ease in the air. I could breath and focus more on living my life or going to sleep in this case. This isn’t to say that reflecting on every waking moments of my life is healthy. The ability to focus on the present, instead of worrying the future or regretting the past, came from the quick scribbles of words that I could look back at and reflect in peace.

To be clear, this isn’t to say reflecting will solve all your problems. Quite the opposite actually. Reflecting helps you realize the problems you have without having it in your mind. You can focus on solving the problems rather than worrying about it. Some of the problems you can solve yourself or find good suggestions online. Some of the problems you won’t be able to solve on your own. Sometimes you don’t realize what you don’t know to even start at state your problems. This is where your friends and professional help come in handy. Having someone to talk to about the problems and getting their opinions can be invaluable in terms of the emotional support and the new insights you may gain. Once you realize what to solve and how you need to solve it, commitment is your next step.

In social media, relationship commitment issues are commonly brought up. As someone who previously struggled with the issue, I strongly relate. Commitments are scary. They seem final and indefinite. Given that most people are risk adverse, commitments are hard. In the recent months having met diverse groups of people in and out of entrepreneur clubs, people want and dream about entrepreneurship but rather don’t do them. I realize that there may be handful of folks that I have talked to that committed their ideas since I have talked to them, but often times 8 out of 10 people don’t commit. The new folks that I meet only show up once after saying that they want to be an entrepreneur without the realization of the work and responsibilities that come along with entrepreneurship. There is a fear of commitment and discrepancy from the doing and wanting that most do not realize.

I am not trying to bash those that didn’t continue, but rather I share empathy to those that fear the commitment. I was there. I have always wanted to start my own shop. I have always wanted to be more fit. However, the realization that commitments are not truly final and indefinite. I learned to commit to the beginning, not the whole journey. I committed to learn if I want to continue doing things. I committed to seeing if I want to pick up the violin for long term by practicing for at least a month. I committed to learn more about religion so that I can be more firm about my beliefs or non-beliefs. We can’t predict the future. We can’t commit indefinitely. However, we can commit for now. We can commit to living the life that’s available to us today. We make the best of the situation with our abilities and learn to be happy from our growth.

I am not far ahead in this journey. I am still learning. I am still me. These realizations distilled from countless hours spent reflecting and talking to folks only started to only kicked in recently. I started by going on walks, then runs. I started by going to entrepreneur club, then starting my own project. Learning to commit to the baby step is critical to be able to commit to the next baby steps. Life is worth living not worrying or regretting and I want to live.